Many years ago I was talking with the most beautiful woman in my world, Joy, my wife. I had told her that I love her. She asked me, “Why do you love me ?” In the context of the conversation, it became apparent that she wanted me to affirm for her some of her amazing good qualities that justified and caused my love for her. It quickly became apparent that I was failing the test. All the good qualities I spoke about she denied and said she was not that person. Now, with many years of experience, I understand why I failed the test. The challenge was inherently flawed. It could never be passed.
I did indeed enjoy her beauty, her attention to detail, her ability to administrate complex things, her intelligence, her loyalty, her commitment to Jesus, her baking skills, her ability to be amazingly frugal, and many other aspects of her personality. However, none of these were the reason I loved her. Nor were either her good qualities or her bad qualities ever the reason why my love for her failed far too often. My love for her was never based in her. Her behavior, her goodness, and her personality were nor the foundation of my love.
I loved her because God first loved me.
My love for her failed (sometimes disastrously failed) when I forgot, ignored, or simply had not accepted God’s love for me.
This is the fundamental nature of love. It is never based on the character of the one loved. It is always based on the lover receiving love. We see this readily in sociology. People who are raised in an atmosphere of acceptance, love, and freedom from critical judgement almost always become loving, socially healthy, adults. People who are raised in an atmosphere of criticism, rejection, and anger, most frequently only become socially well adjusted if they later encounter someone who selflessly cares about them.
We love because He first loved us. When you see your love failing, do not focus on trying to change the person you should be loving. Instead, turn to Father God and focus on receiving the unconditional love He has for you.
His, thus Yours,
Stuart
His-Family 
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“My love for her was never based in her. Her behavior, her goodness, and her personality were not the foundation of my love. I loved her because God first loved me.
My love for her failed (sometimes disastrously failed) when I forgot, ignored, or simply had not accepted God’s love for me.”
Hey Stu,
I’m sitting here going what? I don’t understand what you mean by “I loved her because God first loved me”? What does that actually mean? That means nothing to me. I don’t understand what you are trying to communicate by saying “I loved her because God first loved me?” What does God loving you have anything to do with your love for Joy? I totally don’t get what your trying to impart here with that statement? I am not seeing the connection at all. Help me understand.
Love,
Shan
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